


Tell Me a Story

by KnightsofEclipse



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fairy Tale Retellings, Multi, Story within a Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-23 15:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8332441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightsofEclipse/pseuds/KnightsofEclipse
Summary: Will, who had been opening and closing his fingers like an evil mastermind, caught on first. “Fairytales? Little childish, don’t you think?” He waited for the obligatory eyebrow raise from Diane. “Just an excuse for us all to play hero and damsel, huh?” He stole a non-too-subtle look at Alicia. “Ok, I’m game.”





	1. Snow White

They had been expecting snow. The 12ft that fell during their negotiations with the State’s Attorney’s office was not what they had in mind, however. Alicia looked forlorn out the window, trying her best to estimate where - under all this mess - her car might be. Giving up, she returned to the conference room. Seated around the table; Diane, Will, Kalinda, Eli, Cary, Dana, and Peter. The partners had had the sense to send everyone else home when the snow warning had come in. It was just them, snowed in together.

 

“Least the power’s not out,” Will offered, as if that was the biggest potential problem they could have. He received a swat from Diane and a stern look, provoking a “What?” from him.

 

The blonde raised an eyebrow as if to say _do I even need to say it?_ “Don’t jinx it. This is unfortunate enough as it is. The last thing we need is you jinxing the power.” Diane’s confusing phrasing was a pretty good indicator that she was not pleased with the situation nor Will’s comment.

 

Dana swung her arms out and let the drop on the outsides of the arm rests of her chair. “We might as well pass the time somehow. Stories? Back logged paper work? Orgy?” Peter, Kalinda, and Cary all looked up from their phones at the last one. “Kidding,” Dana clarified. “Seriously, I was kidding.”

 

“I liked that first one. Stories. I’m sure we all have things to share.” Peter had a pig-ish smile on his face that Alicia wanted to removed, by force, immediately.

 

Thankfully, someone else had a protest as well. “No, no,” Diane rose, preparing her argument, “nothing personal. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.” She looked from face to face to judge their reaction to her words. Everyone seemed in silent agreement. “Perhaps,” she drew the syllables out, “we retell some old stories that are, ahem, in the public domain.”

 

Will, who had been opening and closing his fingers like an evil mastermind, caught on first. “Fairytales? Little childish, don’t you think?” He waited for the obligatory eyebrow raise from Diane. “Just an excuse for us all to play hero and damsel, huh?” He stole a non-too-subtle look at Alicia. “Ok, I’m game.”

 

With no further protests, Diane sat back down. She looked around to be sure her intentions were clear before clearing her throat and beginning her story.

 

_Once upon a time, there was a beautiful queen. The queen was the most powerful and legally righteous in all the land._

 

“Diane.” Will poked her, as if his voice wasn’t an interruption in itself. “Laying it on a bit thick.”

 

Diane shook her head. “Anything else before I continue.” Nothing. “Good. As I was saying…”

 

_The beautiful, lawful queen had come into possession of a daughter. Not her own. A step-daughter. Of course the step-daughter was Snow White but we’re going to call her Alicia. Alicia was equal in legal righteousness to the queen. The queen felt threatened by Alicia coming into her kingdom. One night she suspected Alicia was sleeping with her magic mirror._

 

“Hey!” Will had jumped to his feet in outrage. Alicia, Peter, and Kalinda all raised an eyebrow at him. “Hrm, I mean, uh, how does one sleep with a mirror, Diane?”

 

Diane stifled her smile. “It’s a fairytale, Will. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

 

_“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. It would be a real shame if you were to fall.”_

Diane interrupted herself to shoot a horrifying look at Will. Satisfied, she resumed.

 

_“Also, who’s the fairest of all?”_

_The mirror coughed, clearly startled by the threat and the question. “The fairest? I mean, you are the most supreme lawyer and ruler in all the land.” The mirror was grasping._

_The queen pursed her lips and rephrased the question. “Then, answer me this, Mirror; who would you rather take to bed - granted it were possible for a mirror to lay in bed - myself or Alicia?”_

Alicia choked on the mouthful of water she had so foolishly gulped from her glass. This was not the fairytale she remembered. She wasn’t sure if it was better or not. Coughing to regain the ability to breathe, she waved at Diane to continue.

 

_The mirror responded that he was indeed in love with Alicia. He watched her every moment of every day. The queen couldn’t have that so she found a huntsman to take Alicia away and kill her._

 

Kalinda sat up a little taller. The fairytale was still following the general plot. She assumed she was the huntsman who would let Snow White go because his heart was melted by her innocence and beauty. Diane had taken note of her movement.

 

 _The huntsman,_ Cary _, was a dashing young man who thought himself initially too good for the task. It took some persuading on the queen’s part but eventually he begrudgingly lured Alicia out into the woods with promise of cake or something._

_In the woods,_ Cary _, was just about to stab Alicia in the back when she stopped to talk to him. They had a heartwarming talk about something or other and he decided, against his better judgement, that he would let her live. “Alicia, listen to me.”_ Cary _gripped Alicia by the shoulders to make sure his words got through. “You can never come back to the kingdom of Lockhart Gardner. If I let you live, you have to leave forever. Queen Diane will kill me otherwise. And we can’t have that, now can we?”_

Alicia rolled her eyes. So that was how they were playing it. They could speak for their characters now without being considered an interruption. Well, game on, Cary, game on.

_“Oh, Cary, how gracious of you. I don’t know how I could ever repay you for this undue kindness?” Alicia was laying it on a little thick._

_Cary looked to ponder the inquiry for a moment too short before firing back his response. “A kiss.”_

“No way!” Eyes were split between staring at Will, Peter, and Kalinda. All three had shouted at once, protesting this very idea, even if it did just remain something narrated by Diane. Based on how things were progressing, that was unlikely to be the case for long.

 

Diane sat back, all too pleased with the drama she had caused. “It’s up to the characters. I’m just the story teller. Alicia, Cary, proceed.”

 

Alicia lifted her eyebrows, smirked, and turned her head ever so slightly to indicate the invitation. Cary tripped over himself, and Will, as he got out of his chair and raced around the table to tower over his former partner.

 

Alicia looked around the table, assessing everyone’s premature reactions. Diane had on a shit-eating grin. Will was glaring so hard at Alicia she could almost feel it. Dana looked shocked at the turn of events. Kalinda looked bored, or maybe disappointed, but was watching nonetheless. And Peter was looking away; he just couldn’t watch.

 

Alicia, mildly pleased with everyone’s reactions, nodded for Diane to continue her narration.

 

_The huntsman tripped over himself embarrassingly when Alicia agreed to the kiss. She sat on her stump primly and closed her eyes, awaiting Cary’s kiss. Cary’s palms were sweaty and he was visibly nervous. He never expected Alicia to agree. Never. Not in a million years. He leaned down and placed…the most chaste peck anyone had ever seen on the princess. He then disappeared back towards the kingdom, leaving the princess alone in the woods._

“That was it?” Kalinda looked like she wanted to punch Cary. Alicia couldn’t even hazard a guess as to why, but it was pretty apparent that the desire was there. “You idiot.”

 

_It wasn’t long in the woods before Alicia came across a cottage. Inside were 3 tiny beds. “Must be someone’s house,” Alicia speculated. It was a mess. Being a natural mother figure, Alicia couldn’t help but to clean the place up. Once the cottage was spick and span, Alicia fell asleep across the 3 tiny beds._

_She awoke several hours later to 3 tiny people watching her. The dwarves; Peter, Eli, and Dana, were pleased to have a guest and presented her with an extravagant feast in welcome._

_Meanwhile, in the kingdom, the queen was concerned that Cary hadn’t returned. She approached the magic mirror with her concern. “Tell me, Mirror, are you still watching Alicia? Even after I told you to stop?”_

_The mirror fumbled for words before confirming the queen’s suspicions. The queen was angry. In her anger she donned a disguise and cast a spell on an apple and stole away into the forest to find Alicia._

_Alicia had been left alone in the cottage. The dwarves trusted her to be a good girl in their absence. The queen, disguised, approached Alicia with the apple as a gift. She claimed she was delivering it from Cary, the poor boy being too shy to bring it himself._

_Alicia took the apple and bit into it. She fell to the ground dead. The queen returned to the kingdom to celebrate. The dwarves returned and were devastated to find their princess dead. They moved her body out of the house, so that it wouldn’t ruin the floors._

_At that very moment, in a stroke of luck, a prince was travelling by the cottage. The prince caught sight of Alicia laying in the field. Under the impression Alicia was sleeping, the prince leaned down and laid a gentle, sweet, loving, romantic kiss on her lips. It was a much more fulfilling kiss than Cary's. Alicia’s eyes fluttered open to meet with the prince’s._

_“You saved me,” Alicia breathed. “I must ask your name.”_

“I was getting to that!” Diane protested Alicia’s dialogue. Alicia held her hands up in defense.

 

 _“_ Kalinda _,” The prince answered easily. The prince was actually a woman._

_Alicia embraced her savior. “Please, Kalinda. Let’s elope together.”_

“What?” Alicia and Kalinda both had wide eyes targeted at Diane.

 

The name partner shrugged. “That’s basically how the story ends. Happy? The end. Someone else’s turn.”


	2. Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will's turn

“You’re pathetic.” Kalinda had pulled Cary into an embrace as everyone mumbled about whose turn it was now.

 

Cary gave a good natured laugh, his breath tickling her ear. “Sorry you’re so disappointed. I didn’t think you were such a voyeur.”

 

He could feel the muscles in her face moving against his. She was frowning. “You wasted a perfectly good opportunity. For both of us.”

 

Cary’s laugh was real this time. “You wanted to kiss Alicia through me. You know, Diane gave you an opportunity. You messed that one up yourself.”

 

“Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Peter wasn’t the prince?” Eli blurted out suddenly. He had taken this break to pace in the corner, pondering – apparently that, until he could not keep it internalized any longer.

 

Peter laughed, making his way slowly over to clamp his hand on Eli’s shoulder. “Don’t let it bother you, Eli. Alicia and Kalinda are best friends. I don’t feel threatened.”

 

Kalinda caught the look on Cary’s face - their hug ending - just in time to act before he could open his smug, little mouth. She grabbed his wrist and twisted. Cary winced but managed to not cry out in pain. Kalinda was certain he would have said that - Peter should feel threatened - if she hadn’t been so swift. The only downfall she found in this action was the look she received from Alicia. It was both inquisitive and reprimanding. She quickly released Cary.

 

“If everyone is done,” Will looked bored, resting his feet on the table and leaned all the way back in his chair. “I’ve got one.” Everyone reassembled around the table.

 

_In a lavish kingdom there was a darling, baby girl born._

 

“Once upon a time?” Diane asked, sounding decidedly similar to a certain judge.

 

“What?” Will’s feet felt the effects of gravity, and he was sent back into an upright position.

 

“Once upon a time,” Diane insisted. Will narrowed his eyes.

 

 _This was all happening_ once upon a time _. The baby girl was named Alicia and a baby shower was thrown to honor and welcome her. Three fairies came to bestow gifts upon Alicia. The first, Dana, bestowed her with fire in her heart, to take on any challenge. The second, Diane, bestowed her with knowledge so that she would grow to be the best lawyer in the kingdom._

_Before the third fairy could bestow a gift on baby Alicia the jealous sorcerer, Cary, showed up and cursed Alicia. “Upon you I cast a curse that on your sixteenth birthday your husband will cheat on you with a hooker and get arrested.”_

“Cary!” Alicia refrained, barely, from leaping over the table to strangle him. Everyone turned to look at Alicia. She had never used that tone in the office before. That was the mom voice.

 

Kalinda twisted Cary’s arm again, this time eliciting a satisfying yelp of pain. “Handled.” Kalinda purred.

 

_The sorcerer, Cary, actually said he would curse the princess to prick her finger on a spinning wheel on her sixteenth birthday and die. He left after that, because he had over stayed his welcome. The third fairy, Kalinda, wishing to protect Alicia from Cary, was able to alter the curse. “Instead of dying you will fall into an enchanted sleep, one that you cannot be awoken from. Nothing shall wake you, except for true love’s kiss.”_

_Fear for Alicia’s safety filled the kingdom and she was hidden away, cared for by the fairies, in a lovely cottage in the woods. One day, when Alicia was nearly 16, a handsome stranger happened upon her dancing with some woodland animals. He introduced himself as Prince Will._

“You mean Prince Willip,” Diane corrected innocently. “The prince’s name was Phillip.”

 

Will took a long inhale. “Thank you, Diane. But just Will is fine.”

 

Diane waved a hand in reproach. “I was just being accurate.”

 

“Yes, well.”

 

“You mean Will.”

 

“Thank you, Diane.”

 

_Prince Will and Alicia hit it off._

“That’s, um, that’s not how the story goes.” Kalinda couldn’t stop herself from interrupting. “I believe…”

 

_The princess ran in fear - for the fairies, especially Kalinda - warned her of strangers, particularly strange men. She was not supposed to talk to strangers and Alicia was a good girl._

“Can I not tell my own story?” Will huffed. Everyone fell silent as he crossed his arms over his chest like a teenage girl. The silence persisted and he was spurned back into the story.

 

_Time passed and Alicia’s 16 th birthday approached. On the eve of that cursed day she returned to the castle. In her chambers, Cary was waiting with a wicked spinning wheel. Entranced, Alicia approached the wheel and pricked her finger, collapsing at Cary’s feet._

“God, that sounds like date rape.” Will gave himself a shake.

 

_Unaware of Kalinda’s valiant efforts to preserve Alicia’s life - Cary left the princess, believing he had succeeded. When the 3 fairies arrived they lifted Alicia into bed and set off to find the prince she had spoken of so often._

 

_They found the prince and told him of Alicia’s predicament. The prince rushed to the castle and kissed the princess awake. And they lived happily ever after. The end._

Kalinda pulled a face at Will’s ending. “Pretty sure that’s not how it goes.” Everyone waited with baited breath to hear Kalinda’s ending. She took a deep breath. “If memory serves, the prince raped the princess and she became pregnant. She gave birth to two babies, still in her coma, and one of them sucked the enchantment from her finger and that’s how she woke up.”

 

“I don’t remember that in the Disney movie.” Dana’s sarcasm was only half apparent.

 

Kalinda tilted her head, almost thoughtfully. “No, I suppose the rape didn’t bode well with test audiences.”

 

Alicia raised her eyebrows and reset her mouth in exasperation. “And on that note, I think Kalinda should have some quiet time.” She bore an expression that was not to be argued with. Kalinda silently removed herself from the room to go sit somewhere until Alicia deemed she could behave.


	3. Beauty and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is writing Peter so awkward??? Special thanks to the people leaving comments that reminded me that I had chapters to upload. Love you all

“I just think it’s a little extreme,” Diane replied.

And it was. Alicia admits. But being trapped at Lockhart Gardner with no discernible timeline of when they would get out was also extreme. Alicia used that to justify her actions. “I know Kalinda. She’s not used to being restricted like this. She likes her freedom.”

“Kind of like a cat.” Cary pulled the words right out of Alicia’s mind. “I stand by your judgment, Alicia.”

Diane laughed that closed mouth laugh that tossed her head back lightly. “You’re part of the problem, Cary.”

Cary had on his dumb smile. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Quiet.” Peter calmly reclaimed his seat at what he must have assumed was the head of the table. “It’s my turn, now.”

_Once upon a time, in a small village, there lived a wonderful girl and her, erhrm, campaign manager. The manager, Eli, was a little eccentric. So by association, the girl, Alicia, was looked down upon by her peers._

_In their small village, there was also a man who was adored. Will, the very best of the best. And his right hand man, Cary. Will was relentless in bidding for Alicia’s affections, but she was a good, wholesome girl and always turned him down._

“Tread carefully, Peter. I don’t like what you’re implying.” Will wore his courtroom face, his game face.

Peter flashed his politician smile. “I’m State’s Attorney, Mr. Gardner, I don’t care.”

Diane shook her head, more to herself than anything. “Such decorum.”

“Peter,” Alicia’s voice was stern. “Behave, please.” Peter inhaled deeply in response, a time old indicator of who wore the pants. 

_Anyways, Eli went missing one day and Alicia, being the good girl she is, went looking for him. She came upon a castle, hidden by trees, and found Eli trapped in the basement. Freeing him, she took her time leaving. The man of the castle caught her before she could escape. He was a beast, absolutely dreadful and undeserving of love._

_Alicia took pity on the lonely monster and stayed with him, taught him to appreciate the world around him. It was undeniable that they were in love._

Alicia cleared her throat. It wasn’t a particularly intrusive sound, but it drew everyone’s attention no less. Cary mouthed at her ‘are you ok?’ and she gave a too polite smile before looking back at Peter.

Peter paused, concern building in him. He found himself taking Will’s advice and being careful with his next words.

_But he didn’t deserve her love. So he sent her away. In the harshest way possible. He had to be sure she would go. He didn’t want to hurt her. Alicia went back to her village. She and Eli spoke of the beast and were overheard by Will and Cary. Will feared Alicia was too kind on the beast and set out to kill him._

_Alicia found out about Will’s plans and followed him. She got caught in the middle of a fight she had no part of. The beast was ready to give up, it was what was best for Alicia. But Alicia saved him and Will met a terrible fate that I cannot disclose._

“Peter,” Alicia’s voice was trying. 

_Alicia’s act of true love, saving the beast, turned him human again. They got married and had two beautiful children. And he truly believed they would live happily ever after, even though he didn’t deserve her and never would. The end._

Everyone was uncomfortably quiet at that. Alicia blinked and gave her head a shake before getting up and leaving with not a word of where she was off to. Everyone else sat in the uncomfortable silence.

In Alicia’s office she found Kalinda, reorganizing something or other. “I’ve made a mistake.” Kalinda jumped at Alicia’s voice. “I don’t know how we all managed to suffer through that. You would have been a vast improvement.”

Kalinda studied Alicia, trying to find a hidden meaning in her words. “What are you trying to say?” She gave up and asked outright.

Alicia smiled, the truest smile Kalinda had received in a very long time. “What I’m saying is I want you to come back now so I have something interesting to look at while we listen to the boys use fairytales as a thin veil for measuring their dicks.”

Kalinda rose and joined Alicia in the doorway. “Why didn’t you just say so?”


	4. Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, Cary can actually be a really sweet guy from time to time :)

“Perfect, my main character returned.” Cary’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. He visibly gulped, though, when Alicia stepped out of the way to reveal Kalinda was standing behind her. “I mean, you’re just in time.”

Kalinda took her time, letting her eyes rake up and down Cary like he often fantasized her nails would. She walked painfully slowly over until she was passing behind him, making an unnecessary lap around the table to make him feel uncomfortable. When she finally made herself comfortable in her seat, dangerously close, Cary bit his lip before composing himself for the story.

_Once upon a time, there was a girl, named Alicia, who until recently had had a pretty good life. It wasn’t so good anymore. Alicia was being over worked. She had no life. Her evil step-mother, Diane, made her do all the work and offered no help. Her two evil step-brothers, Peter and Will, were just as bad._

_Word came from the palace one day that there was to be a masquerade ball. Diane forbid Alicia from going, because she had work to do. As she watched her step family go to the ball without her, Alicia returned to her room to cry._

_Her tears summoned her fairy godfather, Eli. “This simply won’t do. Pick yourself up and let’s see what we’re dealing with here. Hmm, yes. I can work with this.” Eli waved his magical statistics chart and Alicia’s frumpy rags were turned into…_

“The most elegant and respectable ball gown ever designed,” Kalinda cut in. There was no way she was letting Cary pick out Alicia’s clothes. “Shall I describe it?” she asked innocently.

Cary pinched Kalinda’s arm for emphasis. “Ruins the surprise if you do. May I?” Kalinda gave him an over exaggerated go ahead.

 _Yes, it was a proper gown only fit for a ball. Her mask covered her eyes, concealing her identity. And her hair was spun up and curled. Her whole body seemed to sparkle._

_Eli turned a pumpkin into Alicia’s coach and warned that when the clock struck midnight she would turn back into her overworked self. Alicia hurried to the ball._

_At the ball, Alicia made awkward, mandatory, small talk with other guests until she was pulled away by the most extraordinary person there. This person was mysterious. Flawlessly beautiful. Intelligent. Everything anyone could ever want. This person took a liking to Alicia. Alicia didn’t know this at the time, but she was in the presence of the princess. Princess Kalinda._

It was Kalinda’s turn to choke on water. “Wh-what?” she gasped. She took a few shallow breaths to compose herself. “What are we wearing, Cary?”

 _Ah yes, the princess was draped in a form fitting dressed the colour of midnight. It hugged her upper body and hips and slowly fell looser and looser the closer it got to the ground until it formed a puddle at her feet. The sky was dull in comparison to all the stars on her dress, and in her eyes. Her dark hair was loose, just a few strands pulled back and held in place by a heart shaped clip. Her mask was pure white to contrast all the dark, both in her appearance and her life._

_Alicia’s dress was a full gown in a peachy-pearl colour. She glowed like the sun on that moonless night. Her hair was pulled up, wound tightly on her head, in a way so perfect and natural you’d think it was magic, which it was. Her mask was pitch black, to oppose how perfect she was. The finishing touch was her glass slippers._

_The two had a perfect, instant connection. It was like they shared a soul, two halves of a whole. Neither one could think of anyone they would rather be with than each other. They stole away from the party to sit in the garden, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking. Both suited them. When the clock began to strike the midnight hour, Alicia placed a chaste peck on Princess Kalinda’s cheek and disappeared into the night. On top of the warm feeling she left with the princess, a single glass slipper slid off her foot in the escape._

_Kalinda didn’t rest until she found Alicia, returning the shoe and confessing her undying love for…_

Kalinda’s hand firmly clamped over Cary’s mouth. “We all know how the story ends.” Her voice was a little shake-y. “The prince and Cinderella get married and live happily ever after.”

“Except this time, it’s a princess,” Alicia corrected. She wore the same face she often used to deal with Eli’s antics. “I doubt it will end any differently. We’re in love after all.” Kalinda visibly tensed. “I’m guessing what Cary was going to say was Princess Kalinda confessed her undying love for Alicia and they got married, lived happily ever after, and had really kinky sex. Did I miss anything?”


	5. Jack and the Beanstalk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana tells a relatively unedited version of Jack and the Beanstalk.

Alicia never thought she would be the reason so many people turned various shades of pink. And she certainly didn’t think she could have that kind of effect on Kalinda. The investigator’s hand had fallen away from Cary’s mouth and she was staring wide eyed and open mouthed at Alicia.

Those kinds of words didn’t come out of Alicia’s mouth. Kalinda wasn’t sure what was making her blush harder: the fact Alicia had just said those words, the fact that those words were an accurate representation of both what would happen and what Cary was going to say, or the thoughts those words provoked.

“Ok.” Dana clapped her hands together, probably louder than she intended. “I have one. Everyone settle down?”

 _Once upon a time there was a not so bright boy named Cary. He lived with his partner, Dana, on a peaceful farm. The problem was that the two were very poor, and Cary wasn’t so smart. Dana asked Cary, very nicely, to take their cow to market and trade it for some gold or whatever they used for money._

_Cary left with good intentions but never made it to the market. He happened upon a salesperson on the road who offered to trade for the cow. Cary, being lazy, accepted the trade if it meant he didn’t have to walk all the way to the market. The salesperson gave Cary a handful of beans and told him they were magic._

_Cary skipped home and showed the magic beans to Dana. Dana was not pleased and tossed the beans out the window. Cary went to bed without supper._

Alicia let out a snort at how deadpan Dana was telling this story of Cary’s misfortune. Cary sent a glare her way that Alicia shrugged off. In return, she flashed a lawyer smile in his direction.

 _During the night the beans grew into a giant beanstalk. In the morning, Cary decided to climb the beanstalk and see where it led to. He climbed for a very long time and got very sore and very tired. When he got to the top he was standing on the clouds._

_Around him was a farm, much like his own, but scaled up 100 times. Everything was giant. Cary found his way into the farm house and happened upon a goose, just normal sized. The goose was sitting on a very nice cushion. Cary thought the goose would make Dana forgive him so he lifted it up and discovered it had laid a golden egg._

“Is this story really accurate?” Cary huffed. He had crossed his arms and was leaned slightly forward. He was hushed by Dana and Kalinda. “I’m just saying, it sounds like all my achievements aren’t even my own. I’m just happening onto them. Is that what you really think of me?”

“Of course not.” Dana laid a gentle hand on Cary’s elbow, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Kalinda. “You just get very lucky, despite yourself.”

Cary’s frown intensified. “Gee, thanks.”

_Cary tucked the golden egg-laying goose under his arm and headed back for the beanstalk. As he left he felt the ground shake. “Fee, fi, fum, foot. I smell the blood of an idiot.”_

“Peter.” Alicia’s mom voice returned. “I’ll admit ‘English man’ doesn’t fit Cary but you could have come up with a more creative rhyme.” Everyone could feel the disappointment radiating from Alicia.

_Cary, proving the giant - and the narrator – wrong, took the goose and left down the beanstalk. When he completed his descent, he presented the goose to Dana. At first she was disappointed that it was the only thing he had brought back. But once he explained that it laid golden eggs; she rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek._

Dana punctuated her sentence with a kiss to Cary’s cheek. Cary blushed slightly. He then felt a kick from under the table. Unable to pinpoint its origins, he had to assume it was either Alicia or Kalinda.

“The end.” Dana smiled out at the room. “That went a lot smoother than the last few, huh?”


	6. Rumpelstiltskin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With some convincing, it's Eli's turn

“Come on, Eli.”

“No way!” Eli’s tone was like a slap in the face to Peter. He turned away all huffy, like a child, and refused to look at the State’s Attorney. 

“There must be some story you’ve always wanted to be a part of,” Diane prodded, albeit gently.

“Yes, my own. As in real life.” Eli turned away from Diane at that. “This is just silly. Ridiculous, really. We are grown adults! And what are we doing?” He put his finger up before Cary could answer his rhetorical question. “We’re grown adults, sitting around, recanting fairytales to each other in a blizzard. This is just pathetic.”

Alicia got up and came to stand behind Eli’s chair. In a very Alicia manner, she gripped his shoulders firmly and rubbed them like a mother trying to persuade her child to apologize for something they weren’t sorry about. “Eli, play along. For me, please?”

The campaign manager sighed and rolled his head from one side to the other. “Fine, fine.”

_There was…_

“Once upon a time?” Diane and Will both interjected in unison. Eli gave them both the most unamused expression anyone in the room had ever seen.

_Once upon a time there was a miller’s daughter. She was average but ambitious. The miller’s daughter, Alicia, was in the market, delivering flour, one day when she overheard the king, Peter, talking about how poor the kingdom had become._

_Alicia, wanting to be helpful, approached the king and announced bravely, “I can spin straw into gold.” Of course this was a lie, but Alicia felt so bad for King Peter that she couldn’t help herself._

_King Peter didn’t believe her for a second so he said, “If you can really spin straw into gold then I will make you my Queen.” He stole Alicia away to the castle and locked her in a tower with tons and tons of straw._

_Alicia, not knowing what to do, began to cry. Out of seemingly nowhere appeared a dashing creature who wiped away her tears. “Fear not, my dear. I can make your dreams come true. In exchange for your necklace I’ll spin this straw into gold.”_

Everyone looked to Kalinda to see if she had any corrections to make. She seemed to be the fairytale expert. “What? He’s got it right.”

 _Alicia gave him her necklace and he spun the straw into gold. In the morning, Peter arrived to find Alicia sitting smugly among the gold. Peter wasn’t sure still so he had more straw brought in. Alicia sat down and sobbed again._

_Once more the dashing creature returned and offered his services. “I want your ring this time,” He said. Alicia, having no need for material possessions, handed it over and he spun the straw into gold._

_Peter returned in the morning once more and found Alicia with the gold. He was satisfied with this and he and Alicia got married. The kingdom fell into economic crisis once more and Alicia was asked to spin more gold._

_She hid away in the tower from before and sobbed, she was going to lose her husband to this crisis. “I’ll help you this last time, but it’s really going to cost you this time.”_

_“Anything, anything. I just can’t lose my husband.”_

Alicia’s death glare almost made Eli retract his words. It had not helped that he had attempted an Alicia-voice to do it. He cleared his throat and continued.

_“I want your first born as compensation.” Alicia blindly agreed and the straw was spun into gold. Afterwards, once the crisis was no more, Alicia broke down and told Peter the truth about the gold. Peter was outraged and demanded that Alicia find a way to keep her child._

_Alicia called forth the dashing creature and demanded he break his deal. “How about a new deal. If you can guess my name in 3 days I’ll let you keep your kid and help your husband become loved by his kingdom again.” Alicia agreed._

_Each day after, the creature came to Alicia and she was given 3 chances to guess. On the first 2 days she guessed wrong. On the second night she followed the creature into the woods and saw him sitting by a campfire, going over some documents. The folder in his hand said Eli._

“A little unconventional,” Will commented. “Sorry, carry on.”

_Alicia went back to Peter and waited for her visitor the next day. When he arrived she offered up some names, “Is it Alex? How about Troy? Or maybe it’s Eli.” The creature, Eli, was unable to lie and agreed to let Alicia keep her baby and make Peter loved. The end._

Alicia and Peter exchanged a look, both regretting convincing Eli to tell a story. Diane let out a cackle. “It suits you.”

“What does?” Eli asked, crossing his arms like he was offended.

“Rumpelstiltskin. You are fond of manipulating circumstances.” She calmed her laughter. “It was a good story, Eli, really.”

Eli pursed his lips before shaking it all off and smiling his winning smile.


	7. The Little Mermaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalinda's turn. I forgot how amusing this chapter was. I guess warning for "strong" language used in a humorous context?

“You know what I think?” Cary nudged Alicia with his elbow as he moved a pair of mugs onto his tray.

Alicia half-raised an eyebrow at him before moving a pair of mugs to her tray. “I don’t, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”

Cary made a grunting sound of disapproval. “I think you should cut Kalinda some slack. You’re being too hard on her.”

Alicia spun on him. “You don’t know anything, Cary.” She made to move away, turning her back on him.

Cary retaliated by catching Alicia’s wrists and pinning her against the counter. “I know you’re hurting.” He had leaned in close and his voice was husky and low. “And I know you hurting makes her hurt.” He shifted until he was breathing right into her ear. “She loves you. Stop doing this to her.”

Alicia struggled mildly. “Cary, enough. What’s going on isn’t your business.”

Cary pulled back at that, a frown half-placed on his face. “You’re wrong. I care about Kalinda. And I care about you. And I know, somewhere deep down, you care about each other.” He turned back to the task. “Just think on it, okay, Alicia?”

Alicia turned to take the last mug onto her tray and they left for the boardroom in silence. They arrived and distributed the hot chocolate around. Alicia was left to hand one to Kalinda and the investigator let her fingers linger against Alicia’s own. “Are you alright?”

Alicia smiled, bringing her other hand to catch Kalinda’s. “Yeah.” She wanted this again.

“Sit down, then. I have a story to tell.” If things had been back how they should, Kalinda would have winked at Alicia. But she didn’t. It was too awkward. 

Everyone resettled, hot chocolate in hand.

_Once upon a time, under the sea, there was a mermaid princess named Kalinda. She was a free spirit and didn’t listen to her mother, Diane. She and her fish friend, Cary, were always off on adventures that got her in trouble._

_One day, Kalinda got close to the surface and saw a boat with a party taking place on board. She swam up close to watch the festivities and saw the most beautiful human girl she had ever laid eyes on._

_Her mother must have been watching her because a storm hit and the boat capsized. Kalinda saved the beautiful girl and swam her to shore. The girl’s attendant came looking for her, calling out Alicia. Kalinda hid and watched Alicia interact with this man, whom she called Will._

_Alicia excitedly exclaimed about a voice that she could listen to forever being the one to save her. Will took credit for the voice until Alicia told him it was a woman’s voice. Kalinda returned to her mother._

_Under the sea, Kalinda began collecting anything and everything that reminded her of Alicia. Diane found out and destroyed all of her collection, saying the human world was dangerous and that Kalinda was better off finding a merboy to date._

_Kalinda was so distraught over the thought of never seeing Alicia again that she didn’t notice the eel that came to join her. “I know someone who can help, the perfect person. Persecuted for something he’s really not all that guilty of, feels your pain. Come with me, I’ll take you to him.”_

_Kalinda had no other hope so she followed eel-li to an undersea cave. There awaited Peter, the sea…_

“Is bitch too harsh?” Kalinda had her attention focused on Alicia.

The good wife pondered for a moment, pulling a face of uncertainty. “Maybe. Bastard, perhaps?”

_Peter, the sea bastard. He offered Kalinda a deal. “In exchange for your voice, which is lovely - by the way – I can turn you human. But there’s a catch. You will only be a human for three days unless you can get your true love to kiss you. In that case you’ll stay human forever. So yeah, you’ve got three days to seduce my wife or else your soul belongs to me.”_

“Let’s cut that soul belonging to you part, it’s bad for publicity,” Eli countered, he looked to be taking notes. 

_“Fine, you’ve got three days to seduce my wife or else.” Kalinda took the deal and became human. She returned to the surface and wobbled along the beach and right into Alicia’s life._

Alicia got up from her chair and walked over to the other side of the table. Without warning, and gracelessly, she tilted Cary’s chair back and flung it forward to deposit him onto the floor. Alicia then took the now empty seat and turned it to face Kalinda. 

Cary shot a dirty look up at Alicia that she didn’t see before crossing his legs and sitting like a good boy. Alicia reached forward and placed a hand on Kalinda’s knee. Kalinda jumped at the sudden touch, shifting away looking at Alicia confused.

Alicia had a mild expression on her face, like she was trying to hide something. Kalinda narrowed her eyes at the lawyer before it hit her. The investigator scooted closer and laced her fingers with Alicia. The two leaned in, looking into each other’s eyes, until their foreheads touched.

Kalinda looked away shyly and Alicia brought a hand up to stroke Kalinda’s cheek. They both continued to lean and were about to…

“Hey!” Will jumped up, bumping the table and knocking over all the mugs of, now cold, hot chocolate. 

“Right on cue,” Cary said humorlessly. He got up to clear away the slowly spreading chocolate sludge. “Carry on, I got this.”

Peter moved to join Alicia and Kalinda, taking Alicia’s hand from where it rested, absently, on Kalinda’s cheek. “I believe the story goes that the sea, hrm, bastard takes a human disguise and marries Alicia.”

“Tries to,” Diane injected. “And the sun sets and Kalinda turns back into a mermaid but she regains her voice and saves Alicia again while killing the sea bastard.” She looked pleased. 

“And then the benevolent queen turns Kalinda human and she marries Alicia.” Eli added. “And I believe we’re all waiting for the note the story ends on.”

Alicia pulled free from Peter’s grasp at that and grabbed Kalinda’s face to pull her into a kiss. Kalinda was shocked but didn’t hesitate to kiss her back. Cary reached over the table to high five Kalinda. “And they lived happily ever after,” he said, almost too triumphantly. It earned him dirty looks from both Peter and Will, who then proceeded to shoot each other dirty looks.

Alicia pulled back, Kalinda gasped for air, both wore a broad, true smile.


	8. The Princess and the Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia tells my personal favourite fairytale. It's a bit lesser known.

Alicia had somehow, somehow, managed to convince everyone to sit on the floor. It was her turn to tell a story. “This is an important one I heard a long time ago from my grandparents. It is…different from the rest of the stories you’ve all told.” She held a hand up to silence any potential outcries.

_Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a queen with three children. The queen was getting on in her years and she wanted to pass her kingdom on to the child that was most deserving. She gathered her children and asked that they each bring her a gift to represent their love._

_The first born brought gold and silver and told the queen, “I love you more than all the riches in the world.” The queen was pleased. The second born brought a mountain of jewels and told the queen, “I love you more than the most beautiful of jewels.” The queen was pleased._

_The third child, the youngest daughter, brought a small handkerchief with something wrapped in it. She opened it and displayed it for the queen. “I love you more than salt,” the young princess declared. The queen was furious. She demanded the princess leave and never return to the kingdom._

“That got dark,” Will stage-whispered to Diane, who then had to stifle her laughter at his tone. Alicia cleared her throat, setting a dark glare on Will. “What? I’ve never heard this story before, I should be allowed to make commentary.”

Peter cleared his throat in turn. “I have and I think you should shut up.” The two boys, foolishly seated next to one another, raised their fists like they would fight sitting on the floor.

Dana rolled her eyes and moved herself to be between the two grown man-children. “I got it, Alicia, continue.”

_The princess left the kingdom, or so the queen thought. Really, the princess hid out nearby. That night, as dinner was being prepared, the princess snuck into the kitchen and persuaded the chef to not use any salt in his cooking._

T _he chef protested, saying that the food would lack flavour if he didn’t add salt. The princess urged him to do as she requested. He begrudgingly complied._

 _When dinner was served, the queen took one bite of her food and was appalled. She demanded to speak with the chef and questioned why her food tasted so bad. The chef explained, “because there is no salt in it.”_

_At first, the queen was angry. But only briefly. For the queen realized her terrible mistake. She sent a search party out to find the daughter she had sent away and when the princess was brought before her she apologized for days. She was mistaken. The princess had been right and did not deserve to be punished. Salt was a necessary thing and not something to be taken for granted. The queen named the princess her heir and they lived happily ever after._

“I’m sorry,” Alicia breathed. Her words were directed at the one person who was not meeting her eyes. “I’m really, truly sorry, Kalinda. I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. Or taken my anger out on you.” Alicia fell forward, off the chair, onto her knees and tilted Kalinda’s head up to meet her eyes. “Can you forgive me?”

Kalinda forced a smile, really wanting to fall into Alicia’s embrace and cry for a hundred years. “I want to believe that.”

Alicia became fierce, pulling Kalinda close, protectively. “I mean it. With all my heart, I mean it. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”

Kalinda pulled back enough to lean her forehead against Alicia’s again. “Then don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading (and suffering through my terrible upload schedule) And special thanks to Kirsty, who was my very first comment on this fic (and Ao3 as a whole) and who's comment I constantly looked back on to motivate myself to upload. Seriously, your comment made my life and kept me going. Thank you so much.


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